G-R-O-S-S. This Is How Many People Are Doing It In Port-A-Potties At Music Festivals

Port-A-Potties
PHOTO: JULIEN DELAUNAY / UNSPLASH

Let’s be real. They are the closest thing to a modern-day outhouse and just straight-up disgusting. That’s why most of us try to use the bathroom before heading out and avoid drinking much when we know that we’re going to be outdoors for long periods of time. Yes, we're talking about port-a-potties. It's festival season, after all, and what better time to discuss those nasty little portals?

Weirdly enough, not everyone is as grossed out at the thought of port-a-potties as we thought. Not only are some folks cool with using them, but, brace yourselves, some are actually having sexual intercourse in them too. We are cringing. 

Somebody please tell us why.

The online ticket marketplace TickPick actually surveyed music festival goers to see how many of them have ever done "the nasty" in a port-a-potty before. While it wasn’t a ton of people, it was enough to catch our attention — a whopping 10 percent (technically 9.4)! 

Anyone who’s even come within five feet of a port-a-potty is gonna have some serious questions for these folks. Just the smell of those bad boys alone is enough to turn your stomach. So, we’re assuming these couples — because surely there are not more than two at a time going in there — are either mind-numbingly drunk or having quickies. And by that, we mean five minutes or under (and that’s being generous!).

Port-a-potties aren't the only place people are getting it on at these festivals — 58.1 percent have done it in a tent, 28.4 in a field and (get this) 15.3 percent have had sex in the midst of a crowd. WOW. According to the survey, almost half have also had oral sex with someone they just met while attending a music festival (we’re not so sure that’s the most hygienic thing to do either!).

Yeah. Definitely not the kind of thing a germaphobe would want to hear. If you’re one of them, our apologies.

If you’re not, before you entertain even the mere thought of becoming one of the ~10 percent, just know that you can get salmonella, hepatitis A, shigellosis (an infection that can lead to bloody diarrhea) and Norovirus that can have you throwing up both ways. And shoot, this is only from using one of those Port-A-Potties. Just imagine what you’re susceptible to if you decide to have sex in one!

Aight, we’re pretty sure it’s lunch time somewhere and we don’t want you to completely lose your appetite. But next time you’re at a music festival and you’re feeling scandalous, ditch the modern outhouse urge and do it in a car or something.

Hey, that’s what reportedly 48.4 percent of folks are doing. You’ll be among friends. And it’s safer too!

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SHELLIE RENEé

Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's it...in a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)

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