10 Reasons Why Women Have Trouble Climaxing (And What You Can Do About It)

woman sad in bed
PHOTO: SARAH DINIZ OUTEIRO / UNSPLASH

75 percent of women have trouble climaxing. It’s not that they aren’t able to have an orgasm at all; it’s that most of the women who fall into that percentile aren’t able to do it with just intercourse alone. Don't worry. You're not the only one.

If you’ve been having trouble climaxing and you’re at your wit’s end, here are some of the reasons why orgasms may be challenging for you, along with some of the things you may be able to try to remedy the situation.

a woman calling someone a "liar"
PHOTO: TYPE A FILMS
1 / 10

A Lack Of Trust

Relationship experts, sex therapists, and probably even a few people you know personally will all tell you if don’t fully trust your partner, you’re definitely going to have trouble climaxing. Sex doesn’t only happen down where our genitalia is; our brains are involved too. When you’re relaxed due to the emotional connection you have with your partner, it’s easier to be vulnerable and to truly let go.

a thinking woman
2 / 10

Overthinking

There’s never a lot of good that comes from overthinking, whether in or out of the bedroom. Sex can be pleasurable, with or without an orgasm. Try not to focus so much on the "end game" and just enjoy the experience. The less you think about it, the more likely an orgasm is to creep up on you.

a woman coming onto a guy
PHOTO: HBO
3 / 10

You’re In The Wrong Position(s)

When it comes to women having orgasms, not all sex positions are created equal. If you’re having trouble climaxing, ask yourself if you’ve been trying out the following positions: on your back, with your legs over his shoulders; on your stomach, with him on your back; riding him backwards; straddling him or spooning one another. All of these help promote deeper penetration and allow him easy access for clitoris stimulation.

a man drinking water
PHOTO: HBO
4 / 10

You’re Dehydrated

Did you know that a whopping 75 percent of Americans are severely dehydrated and don’t even know it? If you’re not getting 8-10 glasses of water into your system on a daily basis, that can prevent you from being as lubricated as you need to be. If that’s the case, sex can end up being uncomfortable. If you’re not physically feeling great, you’re going to have trouble climaxing. Duh!

a woman talking about struggling
PHOTO: ABC
5 / 10

Not Enough Foreplay

We recently read that, on average, both men and women want sex to last around 25 minutes. That’s the act itself, not including foreplay. As a woman, you need a little less than a half-hour sitcom for you really to be in the mood. If you barely get a couple minutes in, this could be why it’s hard for you to have orgasms. 

a woman talking about being bad at sex
PHOTO: TBS
6 / 10

Sex Is Over Too Fast

In connection with the last point, a lot of people who can’t have orgasms have this one thing in common: sex is too short. Just because a man CAN climax in under seven minutes doesn’t mean that he SHOULD. Orgasms shouldn’t be the only goal in sex; they should be the icing on the cake. Remember to enjoy the entire sexual experience and to get off of the clock.

a woman telling someone to sit down
PHOTO: WETV
7 / 10

Sitting Too Much (And Long)

Goodness. When you think about how much a lot of us sit throughout the day on our jobs, it’s no wonder that more of us don’t have trouble climaxing! Constant sitting can lead to us ultimately shortening our pelvic muscles. Not only can that lead to pelvic pain over time, but it can also make it harder to have orgasms. Moral of the story? Take a brief walk every 20 minutes or so around the office. Your pelvis — and sex life — will thank you.

a woman in high heels
PHOTO: MTV
8 / 10

Your High Heels

Grandma warned us that our sexy high heels would be something we regret. Most of us ignored her. But if you have trouble climaxing and you wear stilettos on a regular basis, there is likely a direct correlation. Studies show high heels do damage to our pelvic floor over time and that can ruin our orgasms. You might be able to counteract this just a bit by doing kegels, but honestly, you’d probably be better off wearing wedges and saving the heels for your lingerie get-ups right before doing-the-do.

Iyanla Vanzant telling someone to "shh"
9 / 10

You’re Too Quiet

If you’re naturally quiet, this point may not apply. But if you’re in the middle of having sex and you know you’re holding some screams (and dirty words) in, that’s not working in your favor. NOT. AT. ALL. Sex therapists claim that when we’re willing to "let it all out," it not only helps us achieve an orgasm, it can also make them more intense. Who doesn’t want that?

a woman talking about numb and hurt feelings
PHOTO: HULU
10 / 10

It’s Painful

Sex is not supposed to be consistently painful. If that’s what it is for you, make an appointment to see you doctor. A physical may reveal an underlying cause — maybe something as simple as your hormone levels being off. Painful sex is nothing to be ashamed of, but it usually doesn’t go away on its own. Seek professional attention so that you can experience the pleasure of sex.

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SHELLIE RENEé

Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's it...in a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)

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