You Might Think You're Ready For Marriage, But Here Are 6 Signs That Prove You're Not

a couple kissing in the sunset
PHOTO: PEXELS

Try this. One weekend, invite no less than five married couples over to your house for a dinner party. While everyone is enjoying your food and sipping some wine, ask them to share with you if marriage is anything like what they thought it would be. Whether they’ve been married two or 20 years, something tells us that they will all say “no” in unison.

Not to say that they will imply that marriage is bad or that they have any regrets. In some ways, marriage is a lot like parenting—one of the best and hardest things you’ll ever do in life. Simultaneously. Actually, marriage may be harder because if you stick to “til death do us part”, you’re gonna be with your spouse a lot longer than you are going to be with your kids.

That’s why, even if you think that you’re ready for marriage, it’s a good idea to read articles like this one because sometimes, what we don’t realize is we’re more ready for a wedding than all that is to follow (your married friends will probably vouch for that too!).

How can you know if you fall into this oftentimes totally undetected category?

NeNe Leakes talking
PHOTO: GIPHY
1 / 6

You Never Think You’re Wrong

First of all, anyone who doesn’t think they are wrong has a pride issue. This means that they typically think their opinions are the most valid and rarely apologize when they make a mistake (because they don’t think that they make any). 

On what planet is this person the kind who is spouse material? 

This is the kind of character trait that you can’t decipher on your own. Ask a couple of friends, a sibling or even better, if you’re still friends with an ex, ask them. If everyone looks at you with a blank stare, humility is something that needs to be put into practice before saying “I do”.

a man not sharing his fries
PHOTO: GIPHY
2 / 6

You Don’t Like To Share

This point complements the one we just made. Selfish people? They have no business getting married. If you don’t like sharing your space, if you hate compromising, if you think marriage is more about you being catered to the most then you are absolutely and unequivocally not really for marriage. NOT. AT. ALL.

a woman talking about being the hottest bride
PHOTO: GIPHY
3 / 6

You’re Addicted To Wedding Porn

Some people think that porn only involves sex. Nope. Porn is having an irresistible desire in pretty much anything. 

Women who only have wedding blogs bookmarked on their computer, who only watch wedding-related programs and whenever marriage comes up, all that comes out of their mouths are the wedding plans they’ve made (whether they are in a relationship or not) are not ready for marriage. 

How do we know? Because ALL they talk about is the wedding. You’re a BRIDE for a day. You’re a WIFE, hopefully, for a lifetime. 

Ask any wife you know what the difference is between the two. Bring a snack because you’re in for a long answer.

woman saying her box was sealed
PHOTO: GIPHY
4 / 6

You’ve Never Really Been Alone (Or Abstinent)

Not everyone has the same convictions about sex. We get that. But ask anyone, for whatever the reason, if being single (and abstinent) for a season was one of the best decisions they ever made and we’d be FLOORED if they didn’t say “yes”. 

It’s hard to really get to know yourself if you’re always with someone, even if it’s just sexually. Having some time alone will bring clarity to what you want and don’t want so that by the time you do begin dating again, you’ll be able to make wiser decisions.

a woman telling someone to stop ignoring her
PHOTO: GIPHY
5 / 6

Your Reasons ONLY Have To Do With You

When someone asks you why you want to get married, if your answers are riddled with “I, I, I” in the sense of how you think it can benefit you and nothing else? This is also a red flag. 

How can it not be about only you? Good question. 

Answers like “I really want to partner up with someone and change the world” or “I’ve always had dreams of helping another individual flourish in their purpose”, they give an indication that you have a broader sense of what marriage is about. 

If your motive only consists of, “I don’t want to be alone” or “I want to be a mom” or “I’m sick of being the only single person in my circle”—see how that translates differently?

a man and woman talking about being just friends
PHOTO: GIPHY
6 / 6

You Don’t Have Non-Sexual/Romantic Relationships With Men

Sex is a very important part of marriage. It’s not the foundation of it, though. A lot of couples got through the hard times, not thanks to orgasms but thanks to friendship. 

Some women find out the hard way that they aren’t nearly as ready for marriage as they thought they were because they never cultivated friendships with men. Non-sexual, non-romantic friendships. Yes, those are important because they teach you how to be a walking definition of platonic which is “spiritual love”. 

When you know how to mentally and emotionally connect with someone without it having to “go there”, that shows you how to like someone and love them without any romantic expectations. 

The more you value friendship, the more capable you’ll be at having one with your future husband. Someday. You’ll have the friendship with the sex being the icing and not the cake. Relationships like that are the ones that are truly ready for marriage.

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SHELLIE RENEé

Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's it...in a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)

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