New Mom. NO SEX DRIVE. Here's What to Do.

New Mom. NO SEX DRIVE. Here's What to Do.

There’s no better feeling than being a new mommy. Theoretically speaking, that is. Of course, you’re happy to be holding your little bundle of baby in your arms. But let’s face it. Being pregnant wasn’t exactly a walk in the park and getting adjusted to your hormones shifting for the millionth time isn’t like a trip to your favorite department store.

And your sex drive? Where is it?! It seems like forever since you couldn’t wait to get home and get it on. It’s almost like it’s a distant memory. One that you’re not sure you’ll ever revisit again.

Exhale. All of what you’re going through is perfectly normal. It comes with the territory of birthing a child. Right now, it might seem like you’ll never get your inner sex kitten back, but there are some tricks that will bring you back to your old self again. Maybe even better.

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Eat foods that balance out your hormones

There are foods that you can eat to stabilize your hormones naturally. Some that top the list are virgin olive oil, coconut oil and avocado oil (both contain oleic acid, a building block for hormones); grass-fed butter (it contains natural cholesterol that strengthens hormones); kale (it contains magnesium and zine---both are hormone stabilizers); free-range poultry and dairy (both have proteins to keep hormones balanced); sweet bell peppers (they have flavonoids that keep hormones healthy) and carrots (perfect for cell regeneration of hormones).

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Also eat foods that increase your libido

While you’re at the grocery store, also pick up some foods that will boost your libido. Steak and leafy greens will give you more iron (which will give you more energy). Bananas and ginger will improve blood flow (even to your genitals). Blackberries are phytochemical-rich; that will enhance your sexual endurance. Also get some watermelon. It has citrulline in it. It helps to create an amino acid that drives up your libido too.

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Use some lubrication

Sometimes new moms are not in the mood because sex is painful. It’s painful because their hormone imbalance is preventing them from producing natural lubrication. If that’s you, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Pick up some K-Y Jelly. Even better, make some lubrication of your own. Click here to learn how.

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Get into some new (or other) positions

Trying to find “your spot” again may take some doing. Have fun figuring it all out by trying some positions that some sex experts believe are best for women following labor. Spooning is great because there’s no weight on your body and you can control the speed. Being on top is always a winner because you’re totally in control (and he won’t mind it a bit!). Getting in the missionary position with a pillow underneath your lower back makes from deeper penetration without putting forth a ton of effort. Start with these and explore from there.

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Cuddle more

Getting used to your new normal means that you and your partner both probably need some quality time. This is where cuddling comes in. On the days when you’re not in the mood, it can still make the two of you feel emotionally closer and that’s comforting in itself. Cuddling also has a way of making endorphins (our natural “happy hormone”) kick in. The happier we feel, the more inclined we are to, well…you know.

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Dress up your “new body”

Ask your man what he thinks about your body. He might blow your mind with what comes out of his mouth. There are studies which indicate that we tend to be SO MUCH HARDER on our body image than the one we made the baby with ever is. A lot of men think it’s a total turn on that woman can carry a baby and then deliver it. Yes, a new mom is sexy. Don’t hide your body. Find the kind of lingerie that accentuates all of your new parts. Even a tank and some cute boy shorts will do the job. You’ll be hot and still really comfortable.

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See your doctor

You should have a few doctor’s appointments scheduled anyway. But if it’s been a couple of months and you still don’t desire sex, speak with your physician about it. There may be an underlying issue that they’ll need to run tests to find. Or, you might need some sort of medication that you can’t get without a prescription. Either way, don’t worry too much. It’s a new normal, but your sex drive will return. Love yourself in the meantime, be patient with your process and be open to learning some “tricks” along the way!



Just a woman who digs all things relationships. HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, that is. I've been writing (professionally) for close to 20 years, including having two books published. I'm also a marriage life coach and doula. Sometimes I speak to large audiences or do radio interviews, but usually I'm sitting in my favorite chair, surfin' the 'net and penning stuff that I wish I had read in my early 20s.

Listen, I don't have all the answers, not by a LOOOOONG shot. But whatever I can do to spare folks any heartbreak, bitterness or straight-up drama, I'll devote some keystrokes to doing. 

That's a nutshell. For the most part. Kinda. ;)


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